It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
