please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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