i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
