i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
