i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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