I want to make a zoo with you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
