just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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