i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
