Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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