The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
