waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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