Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
