You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
