Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
