he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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