I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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