She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
