Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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