Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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