I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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