did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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