Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
