Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
