You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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