DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She announced her abortion via fbk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
