You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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