my vag is so smooth its legendary
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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