Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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