i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
