The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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