i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
