3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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