he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
