and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
