Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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