I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
