Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
