Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
