he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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