Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
