she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
