Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
