I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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