11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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