mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
