I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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