you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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