A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
