my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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