haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
