If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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