Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
