btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am available for nakedness
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
