Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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