My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ttyl tear gas
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
