went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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