i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
