my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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