i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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