I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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