at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
