I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
