My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
