I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
