i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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