Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
