No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
