We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
