I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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