the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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