he wants to bone in the snuggie
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
